


Drive Into My Heart

by daysinjune



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5 year age difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Lovers, European high school / college system, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Hate to Love, Homophobia, M/M, bad boy jaehyun, but he's a softie deep inside, conservative catholic parents, high school student sicheng
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-25 18:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20030632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daysinjune/pseuds/daysinjune
Summary: Sicheng swears he doesn't want anything to do with his cousins rude friend Jaehyun. But for some reason the older boy keeps driving him home from school and now he can't stop thinking about him. He also might have accidently told people at school he's his boyfriend.





	1. The consequences of a broken car

**Author's Note:**

> To avoid confusion: in this story Sicheng is 18 years old (along with everyone else in his class) and Jaehyun and Yuta are 23

It all started that spring day when his cousin came back from university. With his graduation around the corner, his cousin Yuta decided to head back home to finish writing his thesis. Sicheng didn’t understand why Yuta would prefer to spend time at home instead of in a city that was 5 hours _away_ from home, but he was glad to have him back. It would make life in a village where nothing ever happened a little more exciting, maybe.

His aunt and uncle had announced Yuta would be back early in the morning on Sunday, before the church service they attended every week. But it wasn’t Sunday yet when Sicheng saw him again.

His parents were out to a late night bible discussion, one that he was allowed to skip because it was Saturday night and although his parents were sometimes cruel, they weren’t _that_ cruel to take his Saturday nights. Sicheng was playing a videogame in his room when he smelt smoke coming through his window. Alarmed, he looked outside the window and noticed it came from their neighbours yard. His concern grew once he realised that his neighbours, who also happened to be his aunt and uncle, were currently at the same gathering as his parents…

He ran into the backyard to see what was going on, only to find Yuta and 4 guys he had seen around before, but didn’t know by name, sitting around a bonfire. He recognized them from high school. They were in their last year when Sicheng was in his first. He didn’t know much about them, except that they were popular, just like Yuta, and more alarming: _trouble_.

Sicheng froze. His first instinct was to go back inside and pretend he didn’t see anything. But he didn’t stand a chance; after all, their backyards were only separated by a very low fence.

“Sichengiee”, his cousin said as soon as he spotted the younger boy. He sounded drunk.

“Hi, Yuta,” Sicheng said, “I thought you were coming back tomorrow?”

“Nopee, came back this evening”, the older replied.

Sicheng sensed the other guys staring at him, which made him feel uncomfortable.

“Do aunt and uncle know you’re back?” Sicheng asked.

“Yesss,” he replied, “don’t worry, little cousin, it’s cool.”

“Alright,” Sicheng said, not sure he believed his cousin in this state. He shot a quick glance at the other guys to check if they were also drunk, and 3 of them seemed at least a little tipsy looking at their body gestures. One he couldn’t quite tell. He was staring intensely at Sicheng, like a predator at his prey, and Sicheng felt more than a little intimidated by the way he was drilling his eyes into Sichengs. Sicheng tried to remember his name, but he only remembered some random facts about him, like how he was a regular in detention back in high school, how he rode a motorcycle, and how he was probably the only popular guy at their school who never seemed interested in the girls swooning over him.

“You done staring, christian boy?” the guy in question asked. Panic suddenly came rushing over Sichengs body, and he walked back inside as soon as possible, hearing his cousin stutter “be… ni-nice to Sichengie” in between hiccups before closing the door behind him.

If Yuta had caused any trouble that night, he didn’t hear his aunt or uncle complain about it the next day. Yuta showed up at the Sunday service in neat clothes, his exhausted eyes the only evidence left of the night before.

“Got any plans after school tomorrow?” Yuta asked him after the service.

“No”, Sicheng answered. Besides homework, he didn’t have anything planned; after all, it was just a regular Monday.

“I’ll pick you up after school”, Yuta said.

Sicheng spotted Yuta as soon as he left the school building. He was leaning against his car, talking to a teacher Sicheng didn’t immediately recognize. He was glad it wasn’t one of his own teachers, as it would have been awkward to walk up to them and join the conversation. Still, it could be awkward, so he already planned to wait until they finished their conversation, but Yuta saw him in the distance and waved at him.

As he came closer, he picked up a little of their conversation and heard them talk about Yuta’s studies. As soon as Sicheng arrived, Yuta ended the conversation smoothly. The teacher said a kind goodbye and wished him good luck before leaving. Sicheng realised nothing had really changed. Yuta was still the perfect student, he still had all the teachers wrapped around his fingers despite being a troublemaker sometimes, and he was still great at making conversation in a way that Sicheng could never comprehend. It was like all the right words just magically came out of his mouth. How did he do that?

“Thanks for picking me up”, Sicheng said as soon as he was seated inside the car. He couldn’t remember the last time he didn’t have to ride home on his bike (which took him about 40 minutes). This was pleasant. He could get used to it.

“No problem”, Yuta said as he showed Sicheng his signature toothpaste-commercial-smile.

“I’m glad you’re back”, Sicheng said, and he meant it.

“Me too”, he said, but there was uncertainty in the way he said it. _Yeah_, Sicheng thought, _I’d miss being away from home, too, if I were you_, although he would never admit it. He respected his parents and the way they took care of him too much to ever say such things out loud.

The car protested when Yuta tried to start it. When he tried the second time, the engine obeyed.

“My car is getting old”, Yuta said apologetically. Sicheng noticed it made a shrieking sound once they were on the road.

“Is that normal?”

“Yeah, it’s okay, don’t worry, we’ll get home safe and sound”, Yuta said, smiling.

“How’s school?” Sicheng asked, trying to start a conversation to distract him from the awful sounds the car was making. He never let a chance go by to ask about Yuta’s life at university. He liked the stories Yuta told him, it made him dream about his own life at university in the future. A future that was actually getting really close these days…

“It’s…” Yuta seemed to have to think about it. Sicheng didn’t know if it was genuinely a difficult question, or if he was just distracted by his protesting car. “Let’s just say I’m glad I’m almost graduating”, Yuta concluded. Sicheng was a little surprised by this answer. He always thought Yuta lead the perfect life.

“Why is that? Because you’re not the most popular kid anymore?” Sicheng teased. He expected Yuta to be at least a little annoyed, but instead he just laughed.

“If only that was my only concern”, Yuta said. Before Sicheng could ask any further questions, Yuta hit the brakes as hard as he could in an attempt to avoid hitting a squirrel crossing the road. The car stopped roughly and fell silent. Sicheng almost screamed in terror.

Luckily, they were on a quiet road and didn’t cause any accidents.

“Sorry”, Yuta said. “Did I hit it?”

“I don’t think so”, Sicheng said, already half outside the car to check if the squirrel was there.

Meanwhile Yuta was trying to start the engine again, but this time the car didn’t do anything, not even after trying a second, a third, a fourth time.

“I think the car broke down”, Yuta said. Before Sicheng could take another step, he was suddenly on the ground in pain. It all happened too quick for him to realise what exactly happened.

“Shit! Oh God, oh God, oh God”, Yuta panicked. Sicheng wasn’t sure he ever heard his cousin swear before. He wasn’t sure if his arm was still attached, either.

Somewhere far away, he heard Yuta call an ambulance. Then he was on the ground next to him.

“I’m so sorry”, he kept saying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. The car suddenly moved, I don't know how I let it happen. I'm so sorry. I called an ambulance, they’re coming soon, hold on.”

“M- my arm is hurting”, Sicheng managed to say, breathing heavily. 

“Sshh, don’t talk, try to lay still”, Yuta said.

The doctor said he was lucky. Sicheng begged to differ. He broke an arm, he had some superficial wounds, “but nothing that won’t heal”, the doctor said.

“What happened?” his mother screamed once she arrived at the hospital.

“My car broke down,” Yuta explained, “and I tried to start the engine when suddenly it _moved _with Sicheng still standing in front of it. It was only a meter before it broke down again and I pulled the handbrake on reflex, I swear, but by that time it had already hit Sicheng…”

“Why was he in front of the car?!” his mother asked, still not understanding how this happened.

“To check on a squirrel…” Yuta said, silently. And Sicheng didn’t know if it was because of how miserable he felt, or because of how silly Yuta sounded, but he started laughing.

“The squirrel was fine, by the way”, he said to his cousin, and now the other one was laughing too. His mother sighed.

It was two days later when Sicheng went for a walk outside. He had been inside for the entire past 48 hours, even though he was allowed to go to school. His mother didn’t want to risk it, as Sicheng had gotten some serious headaches throughout the day. Sicheng got a little tired of his mother taking care of him. He needed some air. When he left the house, he spotted Yuta and one of the guys from the other night in Yuta’s front yard. It was the guy who had stared at him. In the daylight, he looked less intimidating. But intimidating nonetheless.

“Sicheng!” his cousin shouted. Sicheng stepped a little closer, but kept some distance.

“Hi”, he said.

“How are you?” his cousin asked, concerned.

“I’m fine”, he replied.

“You look like shit”, Yuta’s intimidating friend said.

“No one asked for you opinion, Jaehyun”, his cousin snapped at his friend before Sicheng could reply.

“You’re talking to the guy who is about to fix your car for free, don’t be rude”, the guy, who apparently went by the name Jaehyun, reminded him.

“I’m going for a walk”, Sicheng announced, before continuing to move away.

“Have fun”, Jaehyun said sarcastically, before turning towards Yuta and saying: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a car to fix. Some idiot who can’t drive broke it.”

“I _can_ drive!” Yuta objected.

“Says the guy who ran over his cousin.”

On Thursday, Sicheng and Yuta’s parents left for a four day pilgrimage along with Sicheng and Yuta’s grandparents. His mother almost wanted to cancel it, but after Sicheng assured her at least ten times he was going to be fine, he was able to change her mind. One of his father’s friends who lived nearby, would drive him to school on Thursday and Friday, and in the evenings, he would have to take the bus. Taking the bus was like one of his worst nightmares, because it was always too crowded after school, and he didn’t like the kids on it. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as having his mother constantly worrying over him for another 4 days, he concluded.

Thursday went fine. No incidents. Aside from people staring at him, nothing unpleasant. Even the bus ride home was okay. People were nice and did his best at giving him space. Being injured had its advantages sometimes.

Friday was a disaster. It was 3 PM and he still had an hour of class before he was allowed go home, but he had a headache so bad he was unable to concentrate and he was certain he wouldn’t be able to walk to the bus station either.

A classmate helped him get to the school secretariat. The secretary, a woman named Diane, looked at him with a worried expression on her face.

“I have a really bad headache, I think I need someone to come and pick me up”, Sicheng explained.

“Of course, do I need to call your parents?”

“They aren’t home, can you call my aunts house phone?”

“Sure”, the woman said. She looked in her computer to find the number Sicheng had once provided them for emergencies like this.

“Do you want to call yourself, or should I?” she asked.

“I’ll call”, Sicheng said.

She dialled the number and handed Sicheng the telephone. As expected, Yuta picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Yuta. I’m sorry for bothering you, I didn’t know who to call. I think I need someone to pick me up at school, I’ve got a really bad headache and I don’t think I can make it to the bus station. I know our parents are gone and your car is broken, but I can’t really think right now about who to call and maybe you know someone who could help”, Sicheng explained.

“Don’t apologize, Sicheng! Of course you can call me. I’m sorry I can’t come and pick you up. I’ll find someone, I promise, just wait at school. Someone will come and get you soon.”

“Thanks”, Sicheng said. He hung up and handed the secretary the phone again.

“Found someone to come and get you?” she asked.

“Yeah”, Sicheng said, not sure about who would come. It didn't matter, he trusted his cousin, even after he had ran him over with his car. He’d find someone who could get him home safely.

Sicheng fell asleep in the secretary’s office after a few minutes of waiting. He was exhausted. When he woke up, he heard a familiar voice.

“I can’t let you pick him up, Jaehyun, family only”, the secretary said. Sicheng was suddenly awake, his eyes growing wide in surprise as he spotted a familiar dark haired boy behind the reception desk. Did Yuta really send Jaehyun of all people to pick him up?

“Look, Diane,” Jaehyun said, clearly annoyed, “I know we didn’t always get along well. But I’m not that high school boy that got into detention every week anymore.”

“This isn’t personal, Jaehyun”, Diane said, but she didn’t sound convincing, “it’s just the rule. Surely there must be some family member that can come pick Sicheng up. Now if you would be so kind to step away, there are students in line behind you that need my help.” Jaehyun looked behind him and saw two girls giggling. He rolled his eyes before bringing his head a little closer and leaning over the counter like he was about to whisper in the secretary’s ear. But instead, he spoke loud and clear (and _desperate_?) when he said: “Please let me take care of him. He's my boyfriend and his parents are out of town and I would do a really shitty job as their son-in-law if I didn’t take care of him like I promised. Please”, he begged. Sicheng gasped, his jaw dropping in astonishment. It was at that moment both Diane and Jaehyun noticed he was awake. Sicheng sat up in his chair, trying to look unaffected by Jaehyuns words.

Diane looked lost for words for a few long seconds. Then she turned her gaze towards Sicheng, who was still trying to figure out whether he had actually heard those words coming from Jaehyuns mouth, or if he had been hallucinating. 

“Is that true, Sicheng?” Diane asked. Sicheng noticed the girls waiting behind Jaehyun had stopped giggling and were looking at him.

“Y-yeah”, he stuttered out, not very convincing.

The girls behind Jaehyun looked at each other with an expression he couldn’t decode.

“Alright”, Diane said. “But just this once. If anything would happen to Sicheng again and you’d like to pick him up during school hours, I want to hear his parents giving permission for it first.”

“Will do”, Jaehyun said. He sounded back to his old self, confident and callous. He grabbed Sicheng by his good arm to help him stand up before putting a hand on his back as he guided him out of the building he knew all too well. Sicheng shivered at the touch. He was certain his cheeks had turned red. How would he ever be able to face the secretary again, he thought to himself. And more concerning: those girls. What if they told anyone? Sicheng knew how easily gossips went around at their school…

As soon as they were out of the building, Sicheng gasped for air. A thousand thoughts came into mind and caused him to panic. _What just happened? What if his parents found out about this? How could Yuta have done this to him? Didn’t he have any less horrible friends to come pick him up?_

“What a shitshow”, Jaehyun said, sounding annoyed, as he kept walking, a little faster than Sicheng could keep up with. “I’m so fucking glad I’m out of that prison they dare to call a school.”

Sicheng didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. He never knew what to say in common situations, and this was the weirdest, most awkward and terrifying situation he ever encountered, so he certainly wouldn’t be able to find his words now.

Jaehyun stopped when he reached a motorcycle that was parked in front of the school gate. Realisation hit Sicheng. The terror must have been visible on his face, because Jaehyun smirked.

“Don’t be afraid, christian boy, I’m a good driver, unlike your cousin”, he said, the smirk never leaving his face.

Sicheng’s mind was clouded with worries for another few seconds before deciding that if Yuta trusted this guy, he should do too, because Yuta would only ever want the best for him. (_Even though he ran him over with his car._)

“Step on”, Jaehyun said once he was seated. He gave Sicheng a helmet, but Sicheng was unsure what to do with it. Jaehyun sighed and took the helmet back, only to put it on Sichengs head himself.

“Here you go”, he said. “Hold on tight, okay? I’ll drive safely, but you only have one arm so it might be a little more difficult.”

_His parents would kill him if they knew._

Sicheng used his good arm to grab Jaehyun by the waist as he stepped on the motorcycle.

_He would go to hell._

“You good?” Jaehyun asked as the motor started running.

“Yeah”, Sicheng replied. His grip on the others waist tightened. Jaehyun didn’t wait any longer. He started driving.

They took the same way home Sicheng was used to. But somehow everything around him was new, like he was only seeing the fields, the roads and the surroundings for the first time. It was like he had received a fresh pair of eyes. He almost didn’t feel his headache anymore.

When they arrived home, Sicheng didn’t waste a second before getting off the motorcycle. All he wanted right now was to lock himself inside his room and forget about this. He struggled to take off the helmet, and Jaehyun laughed before helping him a hand. Once Sichengs head was freed, Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair to fix it. Sicheng wanted to move away, but before he could react, the hand was already gone and Jaehyun had his hands on the grip of his motorcycle again.

“Take care”, Jaehyun said, before starting the engine of his motorcycle.

“I will”, Sicheng said while walking towards his house. He heard Jaehyun drive away. A front door opened before he reached his own. Yuta ran towards him.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Sicheng said.

This time, it was Yuta who mothered him. He took care of him until their parents came home Sunday evening and Sichengs mother took over the task again.

Sicheng had almost forgotten about Friday when his father was driving him to school Monday morning.

“Will you be alright taking the bus after school?” his father asked him.

“Yes,” Sicheng reassured him. “It went fine Thursday.” A pause. “And Friday." The lie tasted bitter on his tongue. “I don’t want you or mom staying home from work, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright.”

As Sicheng entered the school building, he noticed something had changed. People were _looking_ at him. Not with that hey-look-it’s-that-stupid-church-boy-look, but with a look Sicheng couldn’t define. When people started whispering to each other as he passed them, he was sure he had grown a tail or something, because there couldn’t be any other reason why he had suddenly become the centre of attention.

When he spotted some of his classmates, who he wasn’t particularly good friends with, but at least they were nice to him, and tried to join their conversation, they suddenly fell silent.

“Hi, everyone”, Sicheng tried, but instead everyone just looked at him like he had turned into Shrek.

“What’s going on?” Sicheng asked.

“Dude,” a guy named Donghyuck said, “why didn’t you tell us you were dating Jung Jaehyun? Were you afraid? Because, that guy is a legend, and really, there’s nothing to be ashamed about.” Alarmbells rang inside Sicheng’s head. _EVERYONE THOUGHT HE WAS DATING JAEHYUN? And now they thought he was cool?!_ Donghyuck had sounded almost starstruck. Sicheng wondered what Jaehyun had done to earn such a name.

“I, uhm-”, Sicheng didn’t know what to say. More than anything, he wanted to deny it, because the idea that people thought he and Jaehyun were a thing, freaked him out. But he couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed everyone would be if he did that. Was he really going to let his only chance to be cool pass by? To finally belong here?

“It’s…” Sicheng started, and he was sure he couldn’t keep the act up. He couldn’t lie even if his life depended on it. But somehow he managed to say: “We haven’t been together for that long. I was going to tell you, it just felt a little too early.” And it sounded convincing. Everyone seemed to believe him. Did he really just lie to some of the few people he considered something close to friends? He felt the guilt in his guts. But O, the way they looked at him…

“That’s okay”, Donghyuck said. “I understand.” He sounded so cool about it. How could people be so cool about a gay relationship? He had grown up with the thought it was very, _very_, wrong, but somehow, the entire world seemed to disagree. It was heart-warming in a way he couldn’t describe.

“Cool”, Sicheng said. His voice cracked.

_What was he doing?_

The real panic hit Sicheng when Yuta sent him a text over lunch with the following text:

**Heard you have to take the bus home. Asked Jaehyun to pick you up again, it will be safer**

He typed as fast as he could:

**No it’s ok. Tell him I’m taking the bus, I’ll be fine**

He got his response two minutes later, but those two minutes felt like an hour.

**Don’t worry, I insisted he’d bring his car instead of motorcycle this time**

Sicheng didn’t bother to object. He knew how stubborn his cousin was. Yuta was impossible to convince. He sighed. What had he gotten himself into…

As expected, Sicheng saw Jaehyun at the school parking after school, leaning casually against a car that was definitely in a better state than Yuta’s. Sicheng got a little mad at the thought that he could’ve just brought him home with this perfectly functioning car Friday, but instead decided to show up with his motorcycle.

“Hi there, christian boy, heard you needed a ride?” he smirked once Sicheng was stepping closer towards him. It took Jaehyun a few seconds before he realised that _everyone_ was staring at them. Jaehyun shot some of the students a deadly glance in order to make them turn their head away, but it wasn’t enough, there were too many of them.

“What’s up with these kids?” he asked in annoyance.

“Yeah, about that,” Sicheng cleared his throat, “do you remember what you said Friday, to the secretary?”

Jaehyun seemed confused for a second, like he didn’t remember. Then realisation hit him, and he started laughing.

“Oh, did the gossip go around?” he asked teasingly. Sicheng didn’t reply, the answer was obvious. A few young girls passing by made an “aww” sound when they spotted the two guys.

“They’re so cute”, Sicheng heard one of them say. Sicheng turned his gaze towards the ground, too ashamed to look at Jaehyun. Jaehyun seemed entertained by it.

“You’re turning as red as a tomato”, he said to Sicheng, as if Sicheng hadn’t noticed himself. He was burning up inside.

“Just bring me home, please”, Sicheng said.

“Sure, _boyfriend_”, Jaehyun said, a smile still on his stupid face. If it was possible for Sichengs face to turn even redder, it did. But at least Jaehyun had the decency not to tease him about it. Instead they stepped inside the car in silence.

While looking out the window a weird realisation hit Sicheng. He hadn’t disliked the motor ride home last time. He remembered how exciting it felt, how he enjoyed the view like never before. The feeling in his stomach. It was gone now, sitting inside a car.

It was quiet. Jaehyun didn’t seem to want to put up a conversation, and neither did Sicheng. But there was a question burning at the tip of his tongue.

“Why are you doing this? Bringing me home, I mean. You didn’t have to”, Sicheng said.

The car stopped in front of a red light and Jaehyun put the shifter back in first gear before answering the question.

“I might seem like a shitty person to you, but I can assure you I’m _not _a shitty friend. If Yuta is worried about his cousin getting home safe from school, I’m happy to help him”, Jaehyun explained.

“That’s… nice of you”, Sicheng said, not sure how he felt about that answer.

Jaehyun didn’t reply. They drove the rest of the way in silence.

“Thanks for the ride”, Sicheng said before closing the car door behind him.

“No problem, _boyfriend_”, Jaehyun teased him. He drove away with a grin on his face. Sicheng didn’t know if he had to be happy Jaehyun wasn’t calling him ‘christian boy’ anymore. Was this improvement? Probably not, Sicheng concluded, as he felt his cheeks turn red again.

Yuta came over in the evening to tell Sicheng that Jaehyun would pick him up tomorrow as well. 

“Yuta, I told you, I can take the bus, it’s okay”, Sicheng insisted.

“But the bus is always crowded, and you need more comfort with your broken arm. Jaehyun doesn’t mind, don’t worry about it."

“No, Yuta, it’s okay. Besides, I feel bad about lying to my parents, they’re paying for a bus I’m not taking.”

“And I feel bad about ruining your arm. Please let Jaehyun pick you up. I made him promise not to bother you. I’ll even ask him not to talk to you, if that’s what you want”, Yuta said, his eyes begging.

“Alright”, Sicheng said, confused about whether he agreed just to help his cousin get rid of his guilt, or if he really liked the idea of Jaehyun picking him up.

_Definitely the first reason. Why was he even confused about that?_

“Is everything alright with you two? You looked kind of uncomfortable when he came to pick you up yesterday”, Sichengs classmate Ten asked Sicheng the next day and _oh no, had the whole school seen how Jaehyun came to pick him up? _

Sicheng had barely been talking to Ten and now the subject had already changed into his pretend boyfriend.

“We’re okay”, Sicheng answered quickly, turning his eyes away from Tens concerned face.

“You know, you can always talk to me”, Ten said. “I know what it’s like. Not to have a super hot boyfriend picking me up at school, I mean. I wish. But to be… out, to the school. It can be scary at the beginning, I totally understand you’re uncomfortable.” Sicheng had completely forgotten about Tens sexuality and he felt surprised not only by his sudden confession but also how kind he was. They had never been close, but still he offered a sympathic ear. Sicheng felt guilty. This was wrong. How did he get so caught up in this lie. He was deceiving nice people like Ten. They didn’t deserve this.

“Jaehyun,” Sicheng said once he was seated in the car. He had thought the entire afternoon about how he was going to say this, now all he had to do was say it. “People still think we’re a couple.”

“I noticed”, Jaehyun said. No grin on his face this time. He didn’t seem bothered by it either.

“You need to help me convince Yuta that it’s not necessary for you to pick me up anymore. That way I can tell people we’ve broken up.”

Jaehyun laughed. He seemed way too amused about this.

“Why don’t you just deny we’re together?” Jaehyun asked. “Just tell the truth, say I made it up so I could take you home.”

“Because…” Sicheng said, and he wasn’t prepared for this question. He hadn’t practiced it in his head, so now he fell silent. Jaehyun seemed to understand somehow. And there it was again, that filthy grin on his face. Along with horribly attractive dimples.

“Because you already confirmed we are together”, Jaehyun filled in for him. Sicheng started to blush again. He covered his red face with his hand. Jaehyun grabbed Sichengs wrist with the hand that wasn’t holding the wheel and forced Sichengs hand away from his face.

“Don’t be shy about it, boyfriend”, Jaehyun said, not letting go of his wrist until he had to change the gears. Sicheng looked away. He just wanted to disappear.

When they arrived at Sichengs house, Jaehyun grabbed Sichengs good arm before he could leave the car.

“I’m picking you up tomorrow,” he said, his eyes drilling into Sichengs, forcing him to look at him, “tell those fake ass people at school we’re together, I don’t care.”

_But I care_, Sicheng wanted to say. He didn’t. He just nodded, shy as always. As long as his parents didn’t find out about this, it would be okay. He could do this, right? Pretend Jaehyun was his boyfriend, how difficult could that be?

He knew something was wrong when he didn’t see Jaehyun at the school parking the next day. And he knew something was wrong when a group of guys who had bullied him in primary school and never missed an opportunity to make fun of him, came walking towards him.

“What’s wrong, church boy? Didn’t boyfriend come pick you up? Or did your little romance get too sinful for you?” they laughed.

_This isn’t primary school, no one thinks you’re cool anymore for bullying, _Sicheng wanted to say. But he didn’t, because he was better than that. He let it happen.

At that moment, he spotted a familiar motorcycle in the distance driving faster than the speed limit. Jaehyun made a show of parking his motorcycle next to Sicheng and taking his helmet off, running a hand through his hair, his face sweaty enough be noticeable but not sweaty enough to look gross. It looked almost… _sexy?_

“Sorry, they asked me to work some extra hours and I lost track of time. I didn’t have time to go home to get my car, is it okay I drive you home with my motorcycle?”

_Jaehyun had a job?_

“Y-yeah, sure”, Sicheng said. Jaehyun noticed the guys standing next to Sicheng only just now.

“What are you looking at?” Jaehyun asked, not in a very nice way, to say the least. The guys left without saying another word. Sicheng couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

“Were they bothering you?” Jaehyun asked.

“It’s okay”, Sicheng replied. He took the helmet from Jaehyun and put it on, this time without any struggles. He wrapped his arm around Jaehyun’s waist, the smile still on his face, but now it was covered by the helmet. He hoped Jaehyun wouldn’t notice.

“Yuta’s car is almost fixed”, Jaehyun informed him when they arrived at Sichengs house. “Maybe if you can convince your parents to let him drive you again, he can pick you up instead.”

“O”, Sicheng said, trying not to sound disappointed. “Yeah, sure.” He gave back Jaehyuns helmet. They looked into each other’s eyes for a second or three. It was the first time Sicheng wasn’t too shy to look away, and he wondered where he had suddenly gathered the courage.

“Unless you prefer I do it”, Jaehyun said confidently, ruining the moment.

“No”, Sicheng said, looking away. Jaehyun chuckled. He put on the helmet he was holding and stepped back on his motorcycle.

“You’re a bad liar, Sicheng.”

And then he was gone, leaving Sicheng behind with reddened cheeks, as he always did.

All hell broke loose once Sicheng stepped inside his house and noticed his mother was home early.

“Who was that?!” his mother asked in shock. “Why is someone on a motorcycle driving you home?! I thought you were taking the bus? How long have you been lying to us? Sicheng, you can’t be friends with people like this.”

He was grounded. Grounded, of all things. Sicheng never left the house aside from school, but he was grounded anyway. His father still drove him to school every morning before going to work, but after school he had to prove his parents he took the bus home. Sicheng had explained with as little words possible that they didn’t need to worry about Jaehyun (he didn’t tell them his name though) since he wasn’t really his friend. He told his parents the truth, that Jaehyun was Yuta's friend, even though he hated dragging Yuta into this. His parents made him call Yuta to tell him he didn’t want anyone picking him up anymore.

Yuta’s car got fixed a few days after, but he wasn’t allowed to pick Sicheng up. Sicheng didn’t know whether his parents were worried about him causing accidents again, or about ‘bad influences’.

People at school were wondering why Jaehyun wasn’t picking him up after school anymore, but Sicheng just lied he was busy with work. Ironically, Sicheng didn’t even know what Jaehyun did for a living. Still, it felt better than telling people they broke up.

More than a week went by. Sicheng’s eyes still searched the parking lot every time he left the school building, but Jaehyun was never there.

_Of course he wasn’t._

On Saturday evening, his parents went to their regular bible discussion. It was one of the few moments they had left Sicheng alone the past week.

“Maybe we should take him with us”, he heard his father say in the kitchen. Sicheng felt panic rushing through his body.

“He’ll be fine. He has been good all week, don’t punish him for that”, his mother said.

“You’re right”, his father agreed.

They took their stuff and put on their coats.

“Don’t wait up”, his mother said before closing the door behind her.

And for the first time in what would have to be at least 5 years, Sicheng started crying.

He started crying because he missed a certain dark haired boy coming to pick him up on his motorcycle after school. He started crying because he didn’t have the guts to tell people at school he wasn’t his boyfriend. He started crying because, honestly, he sometimes wished he was. He started crying because he was lying to people. He started crying because he had no one and he wasn’t even allowed to see his cousin for a while. He started crying because he hated that his parents were doing this to him. He started crying because he hated himself.

Once he was done crying and pitying himself, his sadness got replaced by anger. _His parents didn't have the right to keep him from talking to Yuta. It was his cousin, the same cousin who had taken care of him since the day he was born. His cousin, one of the few people who actually made him happy. Who understood him. Who he trusted._

He went outside and knocked on a door he had knocked on countless times. Yuta opened the door within 10 seconds.

“Hi,” he said, a smile spreading on his face.

“Hey”, Sicheng replied.

“I was thinking about coming over, too, but I was afraid you were mad at me”, Yuta confessed.

“Mad? Of course not, why would I be mad?”

“Are you kidding? You have every reason to be mad at me, for starters, I ran you over with my car, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, I got you grounded too.”

“It’s okay”, Sicheng said. “I saw my mom coming over to talk to you last week, I hope she didn’t go hard on you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve had speeches about friends with ‘bad influences’”, Yuta said while mimicking their parents voices. Sicheng couldn’t hold back his laughter.

“You want to come in?” Yuta asked, suddenly realising they were still at the door.

“No, it’s okay. I’m going to bed early, I think”, Sicheng said.

“Alright.” A short silence fell between them.

“Yuta?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you say thank you to Jaehyun for me? I feel a little guilty for not appreciating him bringing me home as much as I should have.”

“Sure, I will”, Yuta said with a kind smile.

“Don’t listen to what my mother has to say about him”, Sicheng continued, and he was certain he never said such a disrespectful thing about his mother in his life, he felt almost guilty about it, weren’t it for the fact he was convinced this was the right thing to say, “he’s actually a really good friend. The fact that he doesn’t only fix your car, but is also willing to pick up your cousin every day after school just for the sake of your friendship, proves he’s not a bad influence at all.” Yuta nodded.

“I know, he’s a good guy, I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise”, Yuta agreed.

“Good”, Sicheng said, and turned around to walk away.

“Sicheng”, Yuta said before he left.

“Yeah?” Sicheng turned around again.

“I don’t think he came to pick you up just for the sake of our friendship though”, Yuta said, smiling.

Before Sicheng could think about the implications of those words, Yuta had already closed the door.


	2. How to mend a broken boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. I didn't expect to finish it so early, but somehow writing it felt more like the story was actually writing itself.  
Looking back on it, this chapter might feel a little rushed at some moments, but since I didn't want more than 2 chapters I decided to keep it that way. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoy the story :D

“We thank you Lord, for this meal, for our loved ones and for your blessings. Amen.”

It was Friday evening when his parents invited friends from the church community for dinner at their home. Sicheng had known them his entire life, the couple, who were about the same age as his parents, and their daughter, Lina, who he had been good friends with when they were children. Over the years their bond had faded away without anyone holding any grudges, even though their parents were still hoping some day they would become close again.

“Sicheng, why don’t you take Lina out for a walk after dinner?” his mother asked.

“Sure”, Sicheng agreed.

As promised, he and Lina left the house once dinner was done. Every time he stepped out of his house these days, it felt like a victory. Even though he never really went out, the thought that he was grounded made it feel like suffocation to stay inside. Sicheng didn’t know why, maybe it was that psychological phenomenon that made you want to do the exact opposite of what other people forced you to do.

His relief turned into something entirely different once he heard voices in his aunts front yard. And surely, God must have been playing some cruel joke on him, testing him out because once they had taken barely 5 steps, Sicheng spotted _him_. It had been more than two weeks since Sicheng had last saw Jaehyun, and he wasn’t really expecting seeing him any time soon, but here he was. In the flesh. Sicheng froze. Maybe they could go back inside and take the back door. _But how would he explain that? _

“Sicheng!” he heard his cousin shout. It was too late now. “Is that Lina?”

The girl next to Sicheng giggled.

“Hi, Yuta”, the girl said.

“I almost didn’t recognize you!” Yuta said, with that charism in his voice he always approached people with. That charism that made people feel comfortable with him even if they hadn’t spoken to him in years.

“It’s good to see you”, Lina said as she and Sicheng approached Yuta and Jaehyun, who was standing next to Yuta like a bodyguard, quiet and unnoticeable weren’t it for the fact Sichengs eyes caught him automatically. He was looking at Sicheng with an expression Sicheng couldn’t read.

“We were just about to take a walk,” Lina said, “care to join us?”

“Oh that sounds nice. I would love to but my friend here just came over to… do some fixing to my car.”

_Wasn’t Yuta’s car repaired?_

“Oh”, Lina said, and she eyed Jaehyun like she hadn’t noticed him standing there before, unlike Sicheng, who hadn’t been able to look at anything else. He hoped Lina and Yuta were too busy chitchatting to notice how intensely they were looking into each other’s eyes, like they had been starved for each other’s gazes these two weeks and they were trying to compensate for it now.

“You know what, actually”, Yuta said, “Jaehyun could really use some help with his car, Sicheng, would you mind helping him out a bit with those technical skills of yours while I walk with Lina for a little. That is, of course, if you don’t mind, Lina.”

_Technical skills? What technical skills?_ Sicheng had flashbacks to him and his cousin putting together Ikea furniture they had bought when Yuta was redecorating his room. It had taken Yuta about 5 minutes to realise it would be better if he did all the work on his own because Sicheng was only screwing things up, pun not intended.

“That’s okay”, Lina said, maybe a little too enthusiastic. Sicheng couldn’t blame her. He too would prefer his cousins company over his own. However he felt every nerve in his body tensing at the thought of being left alone with Jaehyun.

“We’ll be back soon”, Yuta said, like he was trying to make some of Sichengs worries go away.

And then Yuta put an arm around Lina’s shoulder and left Sicheng and Jaehyun. Sicheng followed Jaehyun to his cousins garage in silence. Once they were inside, Sicheng saw Yuta’s car. It was the first time seeing it again after the accident. It didn’t seem to have a scratch though, unlike Sicheng, who was still, very visibly, suffering from a broken arm.

“I thought the car was fixed?” Sicheng asked, breaking the silence.

“It is”, Jaehyun said. Sicheng didn’t know how badly he had needed to hear the sound of Jaehyuns voice these last weeks until he heard it and a shiver went through his spine. “Your cousin made that up just so I could talk to you. And I figured it was better to take you here than to take the risk your parents would see us outside.”

“O”, Sicheng said. That made sense.

It went silent for a while.

“There’s this guy at my work,” Jaehyun said, breaking the silence, “his daughter goes to your school. He was asking about a boyfriend the other day, and at first I didn’t understand who was talking about but then I realised…”

“O”, Sicheng said, not realising it was the same reaction he had had a few moments before. Sichengs cheeks turned red. He felt guilt creeping up again. This lie was taking serious proportions. Even Jaehyun was affected by it now. Before Sicheng could apologize, Jaehyun must have read the tormented expression on his face.

“I don’t mind”, Jaehyun said, assuring him. “Don’t worry about that. It’s just that…” Jaehyun was the one to look away now. _Was he getting shy?_ “All my colleagues now think I have a boyfriend.”

“O”, Sicheng said. He felt so bad he could bury himself a hole in the ground and never come out of it again.

“No, don’t worry about it”, Jaehyun said. “After all, it’s me who started it.” A dreamy smile appeared on his face, like the memory of that day amused him.

“I w-” Sicheng said. At the same time Jaehyun said: “I was thinking.”

“Yes?” Sicheng asked.

“Everyone at work keeps asking after you. We’re having a barbecue this week, and a lot of people bring their… partners. You know, if you still want to keep up this boyfriend-thing, and you want to do me a favour for those times I brought you home, you should keep me company and come”, Jaehyun said. He was regaining some of his confidence.

“O”, Sicheng said, for the fourth time that evening.

“Unless you feel uncomfortable being my fake boyfriend. But I figured since you’re still telling people at school about our so called relationship, you probably aren’t.” He smiled, not a smirk this time, just a smile. The most beautiful dimples appeared on his cheeks and Sicheng wasn’t sure he’d ever adored something as much as those dimples. Sicheng turned, unsurprisingly, red again. Every time he heard the word ‘boyfriend’ it was like all blood rushed towards his face.

“I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m grounded”, Sicheng said. Because it was the truth. It didn’t matter how he felt about all of this. He couldn’t leave the house, it was as simple as that.

“Hmm”, Jaehyun said. “I’m sure your cousin can help with that. He’ll figure something out. He owes me one, anyway.”

_Was he really doing this? Being Jaehyuns date? Pretending he was his boyfriend in front of people while actually standing next to him? Weren’t people going to notice they weren’t together? _

“I guess it’s okay then”, Sicheng said softly.

“Great”, Jaehyun said. “I’ll see you Friday, then.”

When Yuta and Lina came back, Jaehyun had already left. Sicheng was sitting on Yuta’s porch, careful not to stay in sight in case his parents looked out of the window.

“Did you guys fix the car?” Yuta asked when he saw his younger cousin.

“Yep”, Sicheng lied.

“Great. Thanks for that. I’ll leave you guys then”, Yuta said. On his right side, Lina was smiling. “Oh, and Lina”, he said, turning towards the younger girl.

“Yeah?” the girl asked.

“Please don’t tell Sichengs parents I kept him from you, I feel a bit bad for making him help me this late in the evening and they probably won’t appreciate me taking him away from your pleasant company”, Yuta said smoothly. Lina blushed at the words ‘pleasant company’. Sicheng knew why Yuta did this. He didn’t want Sichengs parents finding out he talked to one of Yuta’s friends again. But he handled the situation so easily without giving away his true intentions, it made Sicheng wonder how many times he did things like this. Lying, manipulating,… his charism got in hand for much more than just wrapping people around his finger. He always thought his cousin was the perfect catholic example, just like he tried to be, but ever since he came back from university Sicheng couldn’t help but notice Yuta was far from the perfect son his parents would want him to be. It didn’t worry him, instead it felt almost comforting to know that maybe he wasn’t the only one who was having doubts about the way they had been raised.

“Of course”, Lina said.

“Alright, I’ll leave you two then”, Yuta said. “Have a good night.” Yuta winked at Sicheng before going back inside. Sicheng was almost blushing again, but he managed to keep his body from doing it when he turned his gaze towards Lina and realised he had to pretend like he’d been busy fixing a car instead of being asked out by the most handsome boy he ever laid eyes on.

“We should go back inside”, Lina said.

“Yeah”, Sicheng agreed.

Back inside, Lina didn’t say a thing, as promised. They lied about the great walk they just had. Their parents believed them.

The week went by slowly. The closer it got to Friday, the more nervous Sicheng felt. His parents had also noticed something was off with him and now he couldn’t stop panicking about the possibility of his parents finding out. When he heard Yuta’s plan for Friday on Thursday evening, he felt even worse. They were on the telephone, trying to keep as quiet as possible, afraid one of their parents would overhear the conversation, when Yuta explained him the plan.

“You remember Rachel right, from back when our parents still sent us to bible study?”

“Yeah, what about her?” Sicheng asked. Sicheng remembered the redheaded girl. She was two years older than him. Sicheng never really talked to her as he found her a bit intimidating, but she and Yuta had always got along just fine.

“We’re actually kinda still friends. I asked if she could pretend to pick you up Friday, for a date. I bet your parents wouldn’t mind you going out with someone from the community”, Yuta said.

“You want me to pretend I’m going on a date?” Sicheng asked in shock.

“Yeah,” Yuta said. “It’s an easy cover. Plus she has a car, she can drive you to the barbecue, it’s a win-win.”

“I don’t know, Yuta. I don’t think my parents will believe I’m going on a date”, Sicheng sighed. “And why does she even want to help me?”

“People always believe what they want to believe, Sicheng. And like I told you,” Yuta said, “she’s a friend.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but to be honest, Sicheng didn’t know how it felt like to have friends who would do such favours for him.

“Alright”, Sicheng said, mostly because he didn’t have any other options.

“Awesome,” Yuta said, “she’ll pick you up at five thirty, I’ll give her the address so she can drop you off.”

“Okay.”

Sicheng almost regretted agreeing with Yuta’s plan when Rachel stood in front of his door Friday evening, dressed up like they were actually going on a date. Sicheng was wearing a plain, slightly oversized white t-shirt and a black skinny jeans. He had decided to not use the blow-dryer after his shower, which had resulted in his hair being slightly wavier than usual. Apart from that, he didn’t look much different.

“You look so beautiful, Rachel”, Sichengs mother complimented the redheaded girl waiting in the hallway of their house. “It’s good seeing you again. How are your parents?”

“They’re doing great”, Rachel answered kindly.

“I’m glad to hear that”, his mother replied.

“I’m ready”, Sicheng said, grabbing his black jeans coat quickly before his mother could make any more small talk with Rachel, which only made him more nervous and worried his parents might think something was wrong.

“Great”, Rachel said. “Then we’re going. Bye, Mrs. Dong, it was nice seeing you again.”

“You too, Rachel.”

The car ride was awkward, as expected. Sicheng wanted to be nice and thank the girl, but he was afraid that would end up in them starting a conversation and he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about his plans tonight. Suddenly he wondered what kind of explanation Yuta had given Rachel for her to agree to do this. He concluded that he probably made up some believable lie. But when they arrived, and Sicheng managed to say a shy “thank you”, to which Rachel replied: “Don’t worry, I know what it’s like to have strict parents. I’m glad to help”, Sicheng realised that maybe Yuta had told her the truth.

When he arrived at the venue, he suddenly felt so nervous he was certain he was going to throw up. He was at some sort of multi-purpose hall, attached to a larger building that looked like some sort of factory. He didn’t recognize the company’s name on the sign in front of the main entrance. Through the windows of the hall he could see that there were people inside, sitting at long tables, talking and drinking. They all looked to be having fun, and to be so familiar with each other, Sicheng felt like an intruder. He almost wanted to run back home, when a familiar dark haired boy came running through the glass door of the hall.

“You made it”, Jaehyun said. It was at that moment Sicheng finally felt some of his nerves backing away. Sicheng smiled at the sight of the older boy.

“Come inside”, the older said. Jaehyun put his hand on Sichengs back and guided him like he had done that day when he came to pick him up at school.

They walked towards one of the long tables. The people sitting at the table were mostly men, most of them older than Jaehyun, but some of them looked about the same age. The few women at the table were partners, Sicheng assumed.

“Here he is”, a middle-aged man said enthusiastically once he saw Jaehyun and Sicheng approach.

“Hello”, Sicheng said kindly, unsure why this man, who he had never seen before, seemed so excited to see him.

“We’ve heard so much about you, Sicheng”, the man said.

“Don’t overexaggerate”, Jaehyun replied. Jaehyun took an empty seat in front of the man and made a gesture towards Sicheng to come and sit next to him. Sicheng obeyed.

“Only good things, I hope”, Sicheng said, shyly.

“Yes, of course”, the man answered, looking at Jaehyun, whose ears had turned red.

It should have been awkward, Sicheng thought to himself. Or at least a little uncomfortable, the thought that this man thought he was Jaehyuns boyfriend. But for some reason he felt completely calm in what was probably the first time this week.

“I’m Marlon”, the man said.

“I’m Sicheng,” Sicheng said, “but I have a feeling you already knew that.” Sicheng smiled and the man smiled back at him.

“It’s really nice to meet you”, Marlon said. “We’re all very excited to finally meet the guy who managed to defrost our ice prince here and turn him into a softie.”

“Okay, that’s enough, Marlon”, Jaehyun said. His ears were still red, Sicheng noticed. It was cute. “I didn’t invite him over so you could embarrass me.”

“Embarrass you? I wouldn’t dare, you’re the best welder of the entire company.”

“Wow, was that a compliment? To what do I owe the honour of witnessing such flattering words coming out of your mouth”, Jaehyun said.

“Not to what, to who. And he’s sitting right next to you”, Marlon said. He winked at Sicheng. “The guy should know you’re a catch”, he said as he turned his gaze towards Jaehyun again. Jaehyun laughed.

“Thanks, I guess”, Jaehyun replied.

“Although,” Marlon continued, “seeing the way he looks at you, I think he already knows that.”

Sicheng froze. His face turned red and suddenly he was desperate to look at anything _but_ Jaehyun. He noticed Jaehyun in the corner of his eyes though, and thought he spotted a surprised expression on the older boys his face.

Before either of them could react, another one of Jaehyuns colleagues came up towards their table and Sicheng thanked him silently for saving them out of this embarrassing situation. 

“Oh my god, Jaehyun, did you bring him?” Sicheng heard behind him. When he turned his head, he saw a young man with red hair and sharp facial features. He was handsome in a fairytale kind of way.

“Yep, this is Sicheng”, he heard Jaehyun reply nervously. It was always weird to see Jaehyun get nervous or shy, as Sicheng was used to the man’s confidence.

“Hi, Sicheng, it’s so nice to meet you”, the fairytale-man said, while reaching his hand out for Sicheng to shake. Sicheng politely shook hands with him.

“Hello.”

“I’m so glad Jaehyun decided to bring you over, I was afraid I was going to have to beg him to do it”, the man continued. Sicheng laughed softly.

“I would never let you beg for anything, boss. I’m an obedient employee, you know”, Jaehyun said, regaining some of his confidence.

“Yeah, right”, the other replied sarcastically. Jaehyun laughed.

“Is he that much trouble?” Sicheng dared to ask teasingly.

“Oh, no, not at all,” Jaehyuns boss replied, “don’t worry. He might look tough on the outside, but he’s a softie inside.”

“What is up with everyone today”, Jaehyun replied, annoyed. “Did you all organize a contest to embarrass me or something.”

“Yes, and I’m winning it”, the other replied jokingly. He turned his gaze towards Sicheng. “Has someone told you the story yet of how he almost put the building on fire because he was late to picking you up from school?”

“STOP IT”, Jaehyun said. Sicheng couldn’t hold back his laughter. Jaehyuns boss laughed along with him.

“Ahh,” the boss said, “you’re lucky I’m too busy catching up with all of my employees to do any long stories.” Jaehyun sighed in relief. “But if you’re interested, Sicheng, I’m sure Johnny can tell you the story. He was the one calling the firemen.”

“THAT’S ENOUGH”, Jaehyun said.

“Alright, I’m leaving. Have fun, you two”, the kind boss said before winking at Sicheng and walking up to a group of people that Sicheng assumed were some of his other employees.

“Let’s go outside”, Jaehyun said. Sicheng nodded, a faint smile still on his face from the conversation they just had.

It turned out there was a beautiful garden outside, which Sicheng hadn’t expected considering they were on company premises.

The smell of barbecue hit him. Some waiters came by to offer him and Jaehyun a drink.

“Sorry for that”, Jaehyun said.

“Don’t apologize”, Sicheng said.

“I hope all conversations tonight won’t be as embarrassing”, Jaehyun said, taking a sip from his glass of punch.

It turned out, they all were. But Sicheng didn’t mind. All of Jaehyuns colleagues were so nice, it was like talking to people he had known for a long time. He felt the familiar guilt in his guts every time he realised these people were all accepting him because of a relationship he had made up. At most moments, he forgot though. He let himself believe it was all real sometimes. He didn’t blame it all on himself, it was Jaehyun, too, who made it feel all too real.

“You want to escape for a while?” Jaehyun asked him, after they ended a conversation with another one of Jaehyuns colleagues. They had had their meal and it would take some time for dessert to be served, so Jaehyun must’ve thought it was the perfect time to escape the crowd for a little while.

“Sure”, Sicheng agreed.

“Let me show you my workplace”, Jaehyun said. He grabbed Sichengs hand. The new sensation sent shivers through Sichengs spine. Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice it and walked casually, his hands intertwined with Sichengs like it was the most normal thing in the world. _It was_, Sicheng reminded himself. He was almost surprised people didn’t look up, weren’t staring with disapproval in their faces. It was, truly, the most normal thing in the world. He felt warm with happiness.

Sicheng could only describe the factory as a large, well ventilated hall with all kinds of equipment, platforms and objects he didn’t know the purpose of. Some objects looked a little like they could belong in a car, but he wasn’t sure.

“This is where we manufacture cars. Well, some parts of it, at least”, Jaehyun explained. Sicheng looked around. There were large windows that supplied light. As it was already getting late, it was more like a twilight now, not entirely dark, but not entirely light either.

“So that’s why you know how to fix cars”, Sicheng realised out loud.

“I do, a little”, Jaehyun said, unpretentious. “I don’t do it professionally, though. My job mainly consists of welding, putting together metal parts.”

They walked around the hall.

“This is my spot”, Jaehyun gestured towards a small platform that had all kinds of machine-looking equipment on it Sicheng couldn’t even guess the purpose of.

“So this is where you started that fire?” Sicheng asked teasingly. He liked how comfortable he had started to feel, daring to tease the older boy once in a while. He liked to see his ears turn red and realize that Jaehyun wasn’t the only one capable of making the other one blush.

“Don’t remind me”, Jaehyun said, though he didn’t seem to mind. Sicheng laughed. Jaehyun looked at him in awe. Suddenly Sicheng felt nervous again.

“That never happened to me before, by the way”, Jaehyun continued. “It was only because I had to pick a certain little boy up from school. If anyone should take the blame, it’s him.”

Jaehyun climbed onto the platform and reached his hand out for Sicheng to join him. Sicheng climbed on, not with as much ease as Jaehyun, but not quite struggling either. That was forgivable though, considering one of his arms was covered in plaster.

“Alright,” Sicheng said silently, “I’ll take the blame.” Jaehyun sat down onto a surface that had a table-like shape. Sicheng joined him, sitting left from the older boy. They sat in silence for a while, looking over the factory from a higher view now they were on the platform.

“Good”, Jaehyun said, as he turned his gaze towards Sicheng again. “I’m not forgiving you that easily though.”

Sicheng eyed the older boy. The eye contact felt more intense than it had ever been now that they were sitting so close to each other.

“Then how do I make you forgive me?” Sicheng asked, softly. There was no need to talk loud considering there was only very few distance between them.

Jaehyun looked into Sichengs eyes for a few more seconds before answering the question.

“Kiss me”, he said. He said it so quietly, like it was such a delicate thing to ask only whispering voices were allowed.

Sicheng was a little caught off guard by the older boys request. He thought about the very, very few times he had kissed someone. It had been awkward and uncomfortable and with _girls_. It certainly had never been like this, with a boy so beautiful he could dedicate multiple poems to his dimples only. Jaehyun was special. Sicheng wanted him, more than anything he had ever desired for. Maybe it was for that reason, that despite all the worries inside his head, he leaned in, and forgot about all of them.

Kissing with Jaehyun felt like he had never been kissed at all. It was a completely new feeling. He wouldn’t call it life-altering, or like fireworks exploding, because it was still a first kiss after all, so it took a little time to get into it. But it was comfortable, and pleasant, and he was sure he could spend the rest of the evening doing it. Maybe even the rest of his life.

Every time they took a pause to breathe, they stared into each other’s eyes, as if asking the other one ‘is this okay?’ and then one of them would lean again, tilting their head in the opposite direction to get a better angle. Their lips mended together like mending metal wasn’t the only thing this spot was made for. They kissed like they were starved for each other’s touch (because they probably were). Jaehyun put a hand around Sichengs neck. Sichengs free hand rested on Jaehyuns waist, reminding him of the times the older boy had brought him home on his motorcycle and he had clutched his waist for safety.

When their lips finally parted, Jaehyun smiled, his dimples appearing like they always did when he smiled genuinely. Sicheng couldn’t fight the urge to caress his cheek.

“Of all places,” Jaehyun said, “I didn’t expect our first kiss to be here.” Sicheng liked the way he said _first kiss_, it sounded like a promise that there would be many more to come. “I’m never going to be able to work here again without thinking of you.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” Sicheng asked, smiling.

“No”, the older boy replied without hesitating, before leaning in again and pressing some more kisses onto Sichengs lips.

After they decided it was time to head back, they spent the rest of their evening talking to more of Jaehyuns colleagues. Sicheng was sure most of them had noticed their disappearance earlier, but he didn’t mind.

When the time came to go home and Sicheng stepped into Jaehyuns car, the realisation he would soon be home again, left him feeling sad.

“Can we go somewhere before going home?” Sicheng asked.

“Where?” Jaehyun asked.

“Anywhere”, Sicheng said. Jaehyun understood. He started driving.

“I would’ve chosen a more romantic place but unfortunately I don’t have any secret places in the woods that look over a great night sky while the wind howls quietly and I roll out a soft blanket for us to lay on”, Jaehyun said after he parked the car on the parking lot of a large gas station. It wasn’t one of those greasy, small gas stations though. It was a larger complex, one that had a coffee shop and a fast-food restaurant and was opened 24/7.

“That’s okay”, Sicheng replied. Truthfully, he couldn’t care less about where he’d end up. Jaehyun unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. Sicheng did the same.

“Come on,” Jaehyun said, “we’re getting fries.”

Sicheng followed Jaehyun inside and watched him order a large portion of fries. The girl behind the counter looked tired and far from excited about her job, but she stayed friendly nonetheless. Sicheng wasn’t really hungry, since he had eaten a lot at the barbecue, but he had to admit the smell of fast-food was tempting.

They ate their fries inside Jaehyuns car.

“I can’t believe we’re eating again. I’m so full”, Sicheng admitted before grabbing another fry and dipping it into a generous amount of sauce.

“I don’t hear you complaining”, Jaehyun replied.

“They’re really good”, Sicheng admitted, his mouth still full after stuffing some more fries into his mouth. He was certain he looked like a hamster. Jaehyun laughed at him. One of Jaehyuns hands came up to take away some sauce that had ended up at the corner of his mouth. Sicheng suddenly got nervous. He swallowed loudly. Jaehyun looked at him like he was hungrier for him than the fries in front of him.

“What?” Sicheng asked.

“You’re beautiful”, Jaehyun said.

That was enough for them to dump their fries, or what was left of it at least, onto the dashboard, and crash into each other’s lips again.

This time felt new, too. The atmosphere was different. The taste was different. Sicheng tasted the greasiness of the fries on Jaehyuns lips. He opened his mouth slightly and felt Jaehyuns tongue asking for entrance, poking at his bottom lip. As soon as their tongues touched, the taste intensified, but it wasn’t just the fries, it was something that tasted more like Jaehyun, more like something he would never get enough of, no matter how many food he had eaten.

They made out for what felt like ages. Their lips were deep red and kiss-swollen when they parted, their hair messy and greasy from running their hands through it desperately.

Jaehyun dropped Sicheng off at the end of his street. It would be safer that way. Although Sicheng was certain his parents had already gone to sleep, he didn’t want to risk them seeing Jaehyun.

“Thank you, for tonight”, Sicheng said. “I had fun.”

“Me too”, Jaehyun replied. Sicheng leaned over to press his lips onto Jaehyuns one last time. Jaehyun smiled into the kiss. When Sicheng tried to move away, Jaehyun grabbed his shirt and pulled him close again. One kiss turned into two. Two kisses turned into three. Maybe into four. He lost count.

When Sicheng entered the house, his parents were already asleep. He quickly brushed his teeth, washed his face and put on his pyjama before going to sleep. He slept well that night.

“Goodmorning, sweetheart”, his mother greeted him the next morning. Even his mother seemed to be in a good mood. “How was the date?”

Sicheng suddenly realised he had to pretend he had been on a date with Rachel. Suddenly he felt a little panicked. What would be the best thing to say? That it went fine? That he didn’t like her? That he realised he wasn’t into girls and might be very gay? _Definitely not the last one._

“It was alright”, Sicheng said, because he wasn’t in the mood for pretending he didn’t have a good time last night. Even his parents would notice the way he was glowing, for sure.

“That’s great!” his mother said. His father looked up from behind his book.

“That’s good to hear”, his father agreed. Sicheng couldn’t deny he felt guilty again. Would there ever be a time when he wasn’t lying to anyone? he wondered.

It certainly felt good not having to lie to people at school anymore. Talking about Jaehyun was easy now it wasn’t pretending anymore.

When school was done on Monday, Sicheng eyed the parking lot, because he still hadn’t lost the habit. To his surprise, he spotted him. Jaehyun, _his_ Jaehyun, waiting for him, standing next to his familiar motorcycle. Sicheng hadn’t realised how much he missed him, he ran towards him faster than he ought possible. It hadn’t been more than two days, why was he acting like he hadn’t seen him in years?

“Hey there, boyfriend”, Jaehyun said once Sicheng was within hearing distance. Sicheng blushed at the nickname, another habit he wouldn’t get rid of.

“Hi”, Sicheng said softly before kissing the older boy firm on the lips, less desperate than he felt, but only because he tried to keep in mind that they were in public, with the entire school watching. Sicheng was certain he heard people gasp in the distance.

“What are you doing here?” Sicheng asked when their lips parted. “You know I have to take the bus.”

“I wanted to see you”, Jaehyun said. That deserved another kiss.

Sicheng was certain they had everyone looking at them now.

“Alright, maybe I could make an exception”, Sicheng said, smiling. His parents weren’t checking the amount of money on his prepaid bus card anymore anyway. _Because they trusted him._

“That’s what I wanted to hear”, Jaehyun replied, before giving the younger boy another peck on the lips.

Sicheng put on the helmet and wrapped his arm around Jaehyun tighter than he ever had before.

“Don’t squeeze me”, the older laughed.

Jaehyun didn’t drive him home yet. They ended up in Jaehyuns apartment, making out on the couch. Somehow Sicheng had ended up under Jaehyun, the older boy’s body heat warming him better than any blanket ever could.

“Ouch”, Sicheng cried out when Jaehyun almost crushed his already broken arm.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?”

“’s Okay”, Sicheng said, already pulling Jaehyuns face down by the neck again to press their lips together. The kiss was passionate and unhurried. Jaehyun pulled away after a short while, only to plant kisses on Sichengs cheeks, temples, his jaw, the area under his ear and down his neck.

Sicheng put his hand on Jaehyuns jaw and guided his lips back onto his. The kiss felt softer this time, gentle. They kissed like that for a while, before Jaehyun nosed the tip of Sichengs right ear, which made Sicheng giggle.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I like your ear, it’s cute”, Jaehyun said.

“Only my ear?” Sicheng asked.

“No,” Jaehyun replied, “I like every single thing about you, Dong Sicheng.” Sicheng suddenly felt breathless. Something about the way he said it, the sincerity of it, left him at loss for words.

“Kiss me”, he said eventually, after a short amount of time that was filled by only hungry eyes looking at each other.

“Isn’t that what I’m doing”, the older laughed in between soft kisses.

“Keep doing it”, Sicheng said quietly. The other one fulfilled his request.

Eventually Jaehyun had to drop Sicheng off at home, because his parents would come home from work. They spotted a familiar boy through the window of the house next door once they arrived at Sichengs house. Yuta came outside as soon as he saw them.

“Look who we got here”, the boy said, a smile spreading on his face.

“Do you always sit at the window to spy on people like a creep or is that only when you’re bored?” Jaehyun asked.

“Only when I need to check if my matchmaking skills have had their results”, Yuta answered smoothly. Sicheng found himself blushing. Even Jaehyun didn’t know what to reply to that.

“I’ll take that as a yes”, Yuta said when he noticed his cousins red cheeks.

“Will there ever be a time when it’s just you minding your _own_ business”, Jaehyun asked, though there was no real spite in the way he said it.

“Then I would fail my duty as a friend”, Yuta replied.

“Duty as wannabe Cupid, you mean”, the other said.

“Does that mean I succeeded?” Yuta asked enthusiastically. Jaehyun sighed. He didn’t have to confirm, it was obvious. Yuta just wanted to hear him say it.

“I’m going to go before your parents come home”, Jaehyun said as he turned towards Sicheng again. The younger one nodded.

“Okay”, he replied. “See you soon?”

“Of course”, Jaehyun said, before kissing him for what was probably the hundredth time that day.

“GROSS”, Yuta said. Both Sicheng and Jaehyun ignored it. They said their goodbyes with their lips barely unattached, the others lips touching theirs softly as they spoke.

“Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Sicheng went inside with Yuta for a little while. A week ago his parents still weren’t fond of the idea he was talking to his cousin, but it had gotten better now some time had passed without any ‘incidents’.

“You’re going to have to tell them eventually, you know”, Yuta spoke. His voice was serious now, nothing like how it had been when he was teasing the other boys some moments earlier.

“I know”, Sicheng said. The realisation felt like a cold shower. “I just want to-”

“Enjoy it a little before hell breaks loose?” Yuta filled in for him.

“Yeah”, Sicheng sighed.

“Just don’t wait too long,” Yuta adviced, “you don’t want them finding out by accident.”

Yuta was right, Sicheng knew it would be better not to wait too long before telling his parents. But it felt like there was never a right place or right time to do it. Also, Sicheng was certain he didn’t have the courage.

_Just don’t wait too long._

They were having dinner a few days later when Sicheng figured there would never be the perfect opportunity to do it. It was better to just get it over with.

“I have a boyfriend”, Sicheng said, less confident than he wished he had sounded. His parents looked up from their plates, astonishment in their gazes. It was quiet for a few long seconds. Then his father started laughing.

This was bad. Out of all ways he could have reacted, this was the worst. Sicheng would have preferred he yelled at him, or asked him to leave the table, but not that he didn’t take him serious.

“I’m serious”, Sicheng said, and there was anger in his voice. _Stay calm_, he ordered himself.

“What are you talking about?” his mother asked.

“I’m in a relationship. With a boy. I know you don’t approve of that, but it’s my choice. And he’s nice, and he makes me happy and-”

“Stop talking nonsense”, his father said.

“I’m not talking nonsense, I mean it”, Sicheng said. Now his father was looking at him with a worried expression.

“How long have you been having thoughts like that about men?” his father asked. It sounded like the weirdest question to Sicheng, and absolutely irrelevant to the situation. But he answered anyway.

“For a while?” he sounded uncertain while saying it, almost like a question. He didn’t really know. He always felt different about guys for as long as he could remember, but it wasn’t like he had always had thoughts about _being_ with a guy. It was more along the way of meeting people, along the way of meeting _Jaehyun_, he explored possibilities and allowed himself to think about it.

“You must be confused,” his father said. “You know, when you’re young, you sometimes get wrong thoughts like that inside your head. But there are ways to get rid of that, ways to get onto the right path again. There is help for people who feel just like you.”

“Help?” Sicheng said. _Was he talking about some sort of conversion therapy?_ Sicheng felt sick. “I don’t need help, father. There’s nothing wrong with me!” he said while standing up from his seat, but when he eyed his mother in a desperate attempt to see someone agree with him, he saw the same expression on her face. She looked at him like he was sick, like she pitied him.

_This was useless_, Sicheng thought. He left the house through the back door and grabbed his bike from the shed.

“Sicheng!” he heard his mother shout, though she didn’t sound mad, only worried. But that made it even worse. “Don’t leave! Where are you going? You can’t ride your bike with a broken arm!” But Sicheng didn’t care. He was going to try anyway, everything was better than staying inside this house for any longer.

Riding his bike with one arm was less difficult than he had expected it to be. Only at some times, when he had to hit the brakes, he was afraid that hitting only one brake would cause his bike to flip over. It didn’t, luckily.

Tears were still streaming down his face when he arrived at Jaehyuns apartment. Jaehyuns apartment was further away from him than school, so he had driven for over 40 minutes to get there. But it was worth it, even though his body had ached in resistance.

Jaehyuns eyes went wide when he opened his door and saw the younger boy standing there, eyes red from crying, his cheeks still wet from tears. He didn’t say anything at first, just held him in his arms. Sicheng cried again softly on the other’s shoulder, even though he was tired of crying. He felt the other rubbing a hand over his back softly, and pressing kisses on his head.

An hour later, when there were no tears left, Sicheng spoke quietly about what happened. His head rested on Jaehyuns lap while the older boy softly ran a hand through his hair.

“They’ll never accept it”, Sicheng said. He didn’t have any sadness left to make it sound emotional, he sounded numb. “You should have seen the way they looked at me. Like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m something broken that needs to be fixed.”

It was quiet for a while. Sicheng realised it must have been difficult for Jaehyun to find the right words to comfort him. There weren’t any words in the world that would fix this feeling inside of him.

“We’re all broken”, Jaehyun said eventually. “We all have flaws. But loving people, whatever gender they might be, isn’t one of them. If your parents don’t agree with that, it’s them that need fixing.”

Jaehyun talked to Yuta on the phone for a long time that evening, while Sicheng rested on the couch.

“He says it might be better for you to stay here for a while”, Jaehyun said afterwards. “He’ll bring over some of your stuff while your parents are at work tomorrow.” Sicheng nodded.

“Thank you”, Sicheng whispered.

“Don’t thank me”, Jaehyun said, taking Sichengs head firmly between his strong hands and kissing him softly. The kiss tasted salty, like Sichengs tears. When their lips parted, they let their heads rest against each other for a while, their noses still touching.

“I love you”, Sicheng whispered.

“I love you too.”

Sleeping next to Jaehyun felt like being surrounded by the most safe and peaceful feeling in the world. Jaehyun had his arm clutched firmly around him. His breath tickled the back of his neck. He felt his heartbeat, too, somewhere close to his shoulder blades. It was calming. Sicheng hadn’t expected to be able to fall asleep, but he did.

The next morning Sicheng woke up to an empty bed. He felt a little panicked before he realised that Jaehyun worked early shifts, and had already left for work. He also realised he had to leave for school, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t have his school bag, anyway. He decided to stay inside. He left the bedroom and entered the kitchen when he spotted a sticky note attached to the fridge.

**Make yourself comfortable**

**I’ll be back around 2:30PM**

About an hour later, Sicheng heard the doorbell ring. When he opened the door, he saw his cousin with some bags in his hands.

“Hey”, Yuta said. His voice cracked. He too, sounded a little broken.

“Thank you for bringing me this.”

“That’s okay,” Yuta said. “Luckily, I still had a spare key of your house. I don’t know what would have happened if I tried entering the house while your parents were still home.”

“Did they get mad at you again?”

“Don’t worry about it”, Yuta said, obviously not wanting to burden Sicheng with more problems.

“Yuta, I want to know. Did my mother bother you again?” Sicheng asked. Yuta sipped from the coffee Sicheng had made before answering.

“She came over to yell at me. Said I was tarnishing you with sinful ideas, and that I was a shame to the family, something like that.”

Sicheng gasped. So his parents had been mad, after all. They just decided to take it out on someone else.

“I’m so sorry”, Sicheng said.

“Don’t be sorry”, Yuta said. “Actually, my mother was very quick to throw her out of the house, it was funny to watch.” Yuta laughed with a sadness in his eyes that didn’t fit the rounded corners of his mouth. “I didn’t know my mom was capable of doing that, standing up to her own sister. And not just seeing her stand up for me, but seeing her stand up for you and for Jaehyun, I’ve never felt so proud of her.” Yuta’s smile was genuine now. Sicheng looked at him in surprise. Yuta continued to talk. “I always hated them, you know, my parents. They were always trying to force ideas in my head I didn’t _believe_ in. They were always so quick to judge, and trying to pressure me into being perfect. I thought it would get better at university, with the distance. But they were still pressuring me to overwork myself for good grades, and it still felt like they were deciding everything about my life, that they never cared about how I felt, they never let me have a choice. They practically emotionally blackmailed me into coming back home, just so they could _control_ me again. But yesterday my mother showed such a different side of her, it made me realise that I don’t hate her at all. Neither does she do all those things to taunt me. We love each other, as complicated as it might be. She only wants the best for me. And she just does what she thinks is best to achieve that. There’s no handguide to parenthood, you know. They’re all just doing what they think is best, following the same ideas and traditions they have been raised with. Yesterday my mother showed me she loved me enough to go against those ideas. For the first time, she decided she would put her trust in what _I_ believe in. It gave me hope. Because if she can, I’m certain your parents can too.”

Sicheng didn’t know what to reply. A part of him still felt like it was hopeless. Another part, a larger part maybe, wanted to believe what Yuta said.

“I just don’t know what to do”, Sicheng said. “It’s never going to be the same again.”

“And it shouldn’t,” Yuta said. He wrapped his fingers around Sichengs free hand that was resting on the table between them. Sicheng looked up into his cousins eyes. “From now on, they’re going to have to learn how to love you for who you are”, the older one said, keeping eye contact. Sicheng felt tears forming at the inner corners of his eyes again. Yuta walked around the small table to wrap his arms around his cousin. Sicheng rested his head on the other’s shoulder. He liked the smell of the fabric softener on Yuta’s sweater. It smelled like the home they grew up in.

Even if his parents would never accept him_,_ Sicheng decided, he would always be grateful. He would never dare to complain about his family, because he always had his cousin, who loved him unconditionally and deeply, enough to compensate for the lack of love he received from everyone else.

\--- EPILOGUE ---

Sicheng felt so nervous he was about to throw up. He hadn’t realised he had been staring at the ground for so long, when he felt a hand intertwining with his. When he looked up, Jaehyun was looking at him with a worried expression.

“You okay?” the older boy asked.

“Yes”, Sicheng said, uncertain.

“I’m here”, Jaehyun said. Sicheng nodded.

“I know.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

They went inside. The place smelled like coffee, which, Sicheng figured, wasn’t unusual for a coffee shop.

He spotted his mother sitting at a table near the window. When she looked up and saw Sicheng, a smile spread across her face. Sicheng walked up to her, his hand still intertwined with Jaehyuns.

“I’m so happy to see you”, his mother said once they were at her table, as she put her hand softly on Sichengs healed arm in a comforting gesture.

Sicheng smiled, a little forced, but it felt good nonetheless.

“Thank you for meeting us”, he said, not wasting any time to remind his mother that he came here with his boyfriend, and was only willing to spend time having coffee with her if she was willing to accept him.

“Of course”, his mother said, though it wasn’t evident at all. “It’s nice meeting you, Jaehyun”, his mother said as she eyed the other boy.

“You too, ma’am”, he replied.

This was a good beginning, Sicheng thought.

“Let’s have a seat”, his mother suggested. They sat down in silence. Sichengs hand was still held by Jaehyun.

“How have you been?” his mother asked. Sicheng noticed this was difficult for her. She normally didn’t have any problems putting up conversation, but now she sounded like every word that left her lips was carefully chosen.

“Good”, Sicheng said. “My arm has healed.”

“I see,” his mother said, “I’m very happy about that.”

“School’s great too”, he continued.

“Good”, his mother said.

“How are you?” Sicheng asked. “And dad?” He saw the change in his mother’s eyes when he mentioned his father.

“He’s not ready yet to see you”, his mother said apologetically.

“That’s okay”, he replied.

“Besides that, he’s the same as he’s always been.”

“And you?” There was a moment of silence.

“Now that I’ve seen you again, I’m good”, his mother replied. She sounded like she was holding back tears. It was at that moment Sicheng realised how much his mother had missed him. “And you look happy,” she said, smiling, “that’s enough to make me happy too.” She shot a glance at Jaehyun while saying the word ‘happy’.

“I am”, Sicheng conceded. He really was. He looked at his boyfriend next to him, and his mother, sitting around the same table, and for him, that was all he ever wished for. Maybe in some time, his father would sit around it too. Maybe Yuta and the rest of his family could join them. Maybe they could all have dinner together on Christmas, and maybe they could sit around tables just for a normal dinner on Sunday evening. Maybe they could all mend together like broken pieces of a dream Sicheng dared to dream once, but until now, seemed impossible.

_It was a lot of maybes, but for the first time, they felt possible. _


End file.
